You’re not ‘giving up’ on your pet
But it can sometimes feel like giving up on them, right? The decision to actively choose not to pursue further medical care, or to release a beloved pet from life through euthanasia, or even to just accept that your pet will soon leave you, is undeniably difficult. It's a deeply personal choice fraught with grief and a yearning to hold onto your beloved pet forever. As a pet photographer, so many of my customers and friends have shared their stories with me or asked me for advice. Every day, I witness the unwavering bond my friends and clients share with their pets. That's why I’d like to offer some guidance of what I’ve learned – both in my own experience and from veterinary experts -- on navigating this emotional terrain, to help you recognize the signs that might indicate it's time to say goodbye with love and grace.
Add joy now to every day you have!
The best way to make end-of-life decisions easier is to treat you and your pet to as many days of fun, adventure, play, and great food as you are able. The more you live your life as besties, the easier it is to celebrate rather than mourn when you are no longer together. Even if it’s just an extra cuddle or scratch at the end of the day, or a special treat each morning when you pour your cup of Joe, add an intentional something ‘extra’ to you and your pet’s day right now – or simply by mindful of the joy you already share together - whether they’re a youngster or a senior.
How can you tell if your pet has good quality of life
Recognizing (and accepting) a pet’s decline can be tough. When a pet is young, if they limp, we visit the vet to fix the problem. When they are older, you must think: could this be a sign of age that can be managed with your vet’s help and some comfortable changes at home, or a sign that the end of their life is growing closer more quickly than you expected?
This doesn’t mean the end of life is sad and uncomfortable for pets. In fact, animals seem to accept changing physical limitations with a lot more optimism than we humans! But there are signs of aging or illness that you should keep an eye out for, that indicate an overall declining quality of life.
- Can your pet no longer navigate their environment with ease? Are they struggling to get up, go for walks, or use the litter box?
- Is your pet experiencing chronic pain that medication struggles to control?
- Is your pet disinterested in food, even their favorite treats?
- Has your once playful pet become lethargic, withdrawn, and uninterested in activities they used to enjoy?
- Is your pet struggling with bladder or bowel control, leading to accidents?
- Does your pet exhibit labored breathing, coughing, or excessive panting?
If after noticing changes in your pet’s behavior (and of course, after visiting your veterinarian) you’re still not certain if your pet is on a continual decline or has just landed on a new normal, you can track "good days" and "bad days" on a calendar. PetMD also describes a ‘quality of life scale’ you can use. This extra bit of insight into your pet’s daily behavior can help you fill their days with extra comfort and care.
Look for signs of joy!
However, daily trackers and numeric health ratings usually just aren’t enough for a pet lover’s heart. What I say to my friends and clients when they ask “how do I know if it’s time” is…ask your pet.
I ask: “What has always seemed to give your pet the most joy?” Every pet is different. Some love their treats or favorite toy. Some always want to be cuddled up against you. Some love hanging with their furry buddies. My dog Winnie always loved eating, no matter what it was - carrots, green beans or her dog treats. The day she no longer was interested in any type of food, I knew she wasn’t finding the same joy in life she had earlier.
On the other hand, sometimes a dog will be wagging their tail happily asking for treats right up until the day they pass away. Some pets dealing with serious medical conditions have a sparkle of happiness in their eye no matter how creaky their joints seem to be!
I believe if we watch and listen to our pets, they do let us know. When usually they love being beside us, or with another pet, but begin sleeping alone in another room, when they no longer seem to enjoy what they eat, or when they show no interest in laying in their favorite patch of sun then I believe our heart dog or cat is asking us to prepare for a goodbye.
Communicate with your veterinarian
Yes, ask your pet, but ask your vet, too! Even if your pet is young, bring up end-of-life decisions at your next veterinary visit. Sadly, accidents and sudden illnesses do happen, and you’ll want to know your veterinarian’s emergency procedures in advance. If they don’t offer after-hours emergency care or home euthanasia, ask for a referral for an emergency clinic or home-visit veterinarian, so you’ll never be scrambling for help should you need it.
Don't hesitate to bring up your concerns at the vet clinic, even if you know you’ll be blinking back tears. Your veterinarian understands. They've seen this journey countless times and will likely welcome this open conversation. By talking it through now, you’ll both feel more prepared for whatever path lies ahead for your beloved companion.
Coping with grief and loss from the loss of a pet
Even media-hardened celebrities have broken down in tears publicly discussing their pet’s death. The pain of losing a beloved pet is real. Don’t feel awkward taking a personal or sick day from work if you need time to reflect and compose yourself. Call an animal-loving friend to talk. Posting a farewell on social media, even a simple one, can let your closest friends and family know about your loss. Some of them will appreciate the opportunity to reach out to you privately as well, rather than finding out weeks later.
There are also professional resources that may also help you and your family cope with grief:
● The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement.
● Lap of Love Veterinary Hospice.
● Houston Pet Loss Support Group, they meet monthly on Zoom.
Remember, you're not alone
At Kelly J. Russo Photography, I have experienced and understand the heartbreak of losing a pet. I offer legacy photography for dogs or horses preparing to cross the Rainbow Bridge. Sometimes called an end-of-life session, I will capture some tender moments with your best friend in a relaxed and quiet location. As difficult as this time may be, having lasting images of your best friend can help your grieving process in many ways.